Patience

Life feels great after my treatment has be stopped. I enjoy planning concerts, work on my model yacht, go for heathy walks and think about everything but the past. Living in the now is what I learned but there is this big looming thing called retirement.

In Japan its the rule when you become 60. Its not law, but companies follow their own judgement. It's only 4 months away now, so close. I have started preparing about a year ago to make a plan and map options so I can't say i come unprepared, but still.

The tough thing is to provide a choice for my daughter who is going for the entry exam for high school. Its a big thing in Japan, and the kids are all stressed out. Parents perhaps even more so as the entry exams means lots of preparation and ferrying them from school to school.

I thought the end of treatment would bring simple peace and happiness, but now the risk of not having a good contract with International school tuition looming make me stressed out. It's coinciding with new fiscal year planning and budget approvals at work. I feel burned out.

I realise that my capacity to handle stress, other than that related to cancer, has evaporated. It's as simple as that. When survival has top priority nothing else matters. Now that survival is secured, everything else asks for my attention and requires loads of energy and focus which is in short supply. 

I have to find the patience to deal with selfish people again. Accepting that everyone has priorities which are hard to negotiate is not easy.  That is the shock of working life after becoming healthy and everyone around you needs your full attention and support.