Hospitalization, flashback

Now it’s day 4. Saturday has arrived. The past days have been a roller coaster of new information, complex decisions, confused emotions and a great briefing by dr Namikawa for me and my family.

Scans speak a definitive language which cannot be translated easily, but with the help of my doctor my wife and children could also understand the implications of a large white spot midway my spine. Also a small grey spot in the center of the brain could be seen, which was worrying and still under investigation. It might be the cause of my facial palsy (paralysis) …

Kaishu (27) was there. He had come by Shinkansen from Nagoya where he works for ASML. Marika (17) was there as well, coming straight from her High-school. I suddenly remembered our first family meeting in Paragon, Singapore. It was January 2017 and had called them together with my wife Yuka to break the news of my Melanoma cancer diagnosis. 

We decided then that we would continue with our lives as before, accepting the situation. We broke up continuing with our appointments and making the diagnosis part of our lives in a natural way.

5 years had passed by like a blur, they had grown up so fast without a father to do fun things together like hiking, sailing, Roppongy nights. Kaishu had broken off his master’s study Physics in Eindhoven to get a job during COVID times. I had given him an introduction in the business aspects of Manufacturing which he had absorbed like a sponge. 

Marika had started midway primary-6 after moving. Quite a shock after exciting Bangalore and Singapore… Luckily, after trying so many school entry exams, she had secured a spot and was admitted in the strict and old fashioned Ochanomisu Middle-school (7-9th grade), followed by Hiroo private High-school (10-12th grade)

Yuka had been their anchor and had organized every aspect of their education and mental growth in such an amazing way that they had been shaped in caring, smart, exploring young adults. Finding their way in the digital world with a healthy balance between on-line and off-line worlds and friends. Amazing… 

Lessen the burden (Mar-2022j

I wrote this 3 months ago, and it applies again on what is going on right now so this I will share it with you.

God tests me beside blessing me,

It shows how strong he thinks I am.

I long to reduce the discomfort,

and ask Him quietly in prayer.

Jezus listens and comforts me, 

Peace returns in His presence.

Being heard by Him is enough,

a smile returns, my body relaxes.

He teaches to enjoy small things,

everyday the world smiles at me. 

Through the happiness of my child,

by the color and song of small birds. 

Listening with my ears and heart,

what life provides enjoyable feeling.

That soothes my small discomforts,

and brings me hope of final healing. 

The blessing of Hospitalization

The last days have been difficult in a sense that pain was very difficult to manage. First I had no clue how to lessen the pain, as I didn’t know the origin, and secondly the provided painkillers were not sufficient at night to put me asleep. Twisting and turning actually made things worse. 

Things started looking up when I found out that I had to wait until the cramping and accompanying severe pain would subside. After 3 nights of painful struggle I could finally find a position to sleep in! The next sign of bigger problems to come, was when I fell several times as my upper simply gave way. 

That’s when my doctor decided to admit me, and do a full checkup incl CT and MRI scans. Once admitted using taxi across Tokyo, and wheelchair to check me in, my body already calmed down. Not having to hoist myself up and move on hands and knees to the toilet made me relax. 

Policy is still no visitors due to lagging loosening of COVID rules. My wife therefore had to say goodbyes before I went to my room with a nice view of the SkyTree. I felt very lucky…

The scan of pelvis and head was done soon after, but the position flat on my back was very painful as my legs cramped when stretching suddenly. Even after adding a triangular pillow under my knees, it took a while for my legs and hamstrings to relax, the pain to subside so I could finally lie still. 

A relieved doctor Namikawa soon came and told me the good news that there were no new metastasis to been seen. Great! However the MRI of brain and spine would tell another story soon…

The young assisting doctor Wada told me that the painkillers were doubled to make me sleep and relax my muscles. I felt in good gentle hands, and adjusted quickly to the room I shared with three other patients. They were so quiet in daytime but I was ready for a good snoring orchestra. I had brought my earplugs!

The painkillers gave me 2 times 4 hours of healing deep sleep which I had longed for for many weeks. Yummy and healthy Japanese dishes 3 times a day! A sweet team of nurses to drive me around in my wheelchair for toilet visits and brushing my teeth. I was beginning to have a great time.

The toilet for the disabled was quite a drive and it suddenly dawned upon me that it was me who was suddenly disabled. Nurse Nakamura pushed me with great speed. The fresh wind in my short but growing hair made me laugh. I explained her that her sounds of ‘hoi, hoi’ made with her every action, reminded me of the Dutch ‘hoi hoi’, which is like a informal greeting. 

We both laughed, her English was perfect as she had studied in Canada from 9-12th grade. She had made that decision by herself! Amazing, what a challenging mind at only 15 years old!

My second day just started, and they are preparing my morning medicines. Food will come soon too, and by 10am I have to change rooms. New snoring orchestra! Yey!