Starting counseling has made me aware of my habit to drive progress through the mind, by thinking things through, study the options and get educated on side effects. This has somehow been balanced with the emotions as a result of my social interactions. The safe distance by wearing masks all the time gave me a cushion to deal with the changes.
My eye sight has become worse because of diplopia: parallel vision. It’s related to the facial palsy and caused by the relaxing muscles around the right eye. I can’t do much about it except facial massages and waiting for the medication to end. Confidence that it will pass is declining, which is emotional. It comes and goes in waves, and patience to finish the medicines appears endless.
My contact with family is not constant, and I wonder how to keep communicating without shock waves. It’s hard to be honest with myself all the time as I can’t understand the emotional changes. I just go with the flow for a while and see where this counseling brings me. Surely it is releasing something for the good, something is flowing which I wasn’t aware of.
Channeling my emotions has never been my strength, especially now my temper has my focus to be under control. I am trying smoothen out the pent up bursts of energy, released by the continuous need to be patient. I can’t enjoy taking a bath anymore due to the weakened muscles… any movement requires a burst of energy which I am short of. It’s so frustrating.
Sleeping a whole day is not making things better, but at least it gave my mind a break to deal with the emotions and just relax after having ramped up my activities the last 2 months gradually. Increasing the number of steps everyday has become a subconscious effort beyond healthy exercise. So my mind is tired? I am getting confused and setting priorities of what is a must do to recover has become a maze…
I switched on Spotify this morning and listen to classical music. Now I feel at peace. The pastor also talked about relevant topics in dealing with daily life and challenges like health. I leave it alone for a while until I feel like facing it again. Speaking the words: Let it be…
Travel to Europe feels like a needed escape but I can’t escape dealing with recovery of facial palsy first. Step by step. I can’t rush things suddenly, as also COVID restrictions will nog disappear overnight.
I also realize it’s the first time I use the label emotions….
