The book is published! (+ less happy news)

Today my oncologist showed me the CT-scan and pointed out a grey spot, approximately the size of the tip of my finger. He also showed me the same spot on the scan of 3.5 years ago for comparison. It’s smaller now but he explained that it’s not clear if it’s still shrinking or that it’s growing again.

Following the visit to my oncologist, the MRI was done and the results will be out next week Monday (18 Jan). In case it’s growing again, there are two options:

1. Start with radiation treatment. Discuss with radiologist if proton beaming is still possible.
2. Restart with immunotherapy before or after radiation treatment.

Pretty straightforward isn’t it? No panic, no gloomy moods, just restart treatment again after a year of hope that it was gone. Melanoma is known to stay dormant in the body and become active again. It all starts to sink in now.

The good news is that my publisher informed me that my book is ready! It can be ordered now by clicking on the image on the right bottom of this blog. I am told it can be ordered in any local bookstore using the ISBN number. This will save you the shipping fees. Let me know what you think of the book. Also you can let me know if you prefer the ebook version. 

Small things like my book make me happy. This new development is obviously a setback but I learned the past years to stay positive and keep hope. This phase will pass, with treatments and side effects etc. One day at a time...

Alarm after a year of peace

It's been 4 years since I was diagnosed with Melanoma. I enjoyed a peaceful year on the cancer front while getting used to no travel and social distancing. 'Getting used to' is better described as 'living with'. The emotions which I feel while staying away from family, friends and colleagues are not a preference or choice, and will be temporary.

It came as a surprise to me that the regular scan showed something suspicious and worrisome. I didn't feel the blow of the sledgehammer that came with the first diagnosis but still... We all hope of course it's a false alarm. I have to put it away somehow, to find peace of mind till the next scan on 14 Jan.

It requires mental discipline to keep the door of that storage compartment in my mind closed. The prize of success is spending nice holidays, enjoying family outings during peaceful winter days. The result of opening that door is sulking in a depressed state.

A healthy resilient mindset... I often wonder how to strengthen the resolve not to think about worst case scenarios. Trust in His presence provides peace. In moments when my mind unknowingly wonders off into the dark forest, I find peace in solitary walks and keeping my brain occupied with writing and working on the model yacht. 

The second state of emergency in Tokyo encourages solitude in me, which has become my mental medicine, my way so to say. Being happy with what I have removes the urge and impatience to want more. 

I feel great sorrow for the young people who are at the start of their lives, and have to accept it has been put on hold. I pray that they are given some of the healthy resilient mindset I have found.

Living day by day again...