My wife was in Singapore arranging the return of our cat, and getting a certificate for tea ceremony teacher. So I celebrated my 58th birthday with my daughter in a special way. Together we went for all-you-can-eat buffet and chatted all the time. It was wonderful. I feel so happy about being a father.
Before the diner, I had a difficult time with neck, throat, nose and sinus inflammations due to the sudden coldness. Many worries and concerns surfaced which are usually kept under control by my spirit and joy of life. Feeling really sick caused me to go home from work. Once I had slept I felt a little better and sat on the terrace amidst my plants and flowers.
Probably because I was alone, I couldn't stop feeling gloomier and gloomier, and finally had to tell myself to accept that it was not just a cold. The awareness that something was eating away in my bones and destroying my organs became overwhelming. That the medicines were fighting it and that the scan results are positive didn't help at all.
So I wrote a poem 'Darkness', and got so confused with what I wanted to say. It didn't make sense at all. My brain was completely blurred, 'chemobrain' as they call it. Everything was disconnected: body, mind and spirit.... I became scared. My daughter of 12 could loose her father so easily. My wife and son would manage I am sure, but not my daughter....
That is when my daughter returned home from school and we went for diner.......
