It’s a lovely autumn morning, the sun shines and I watered the plants after bringing my daughter to the train station. Had breakfast and a coffee and all that action before 7:30. Today is a normal day after so many visits to the specialized cancer hospital in Tsukiji, the famous place in Tokyo where the fish market used to be.
I have come to approach the treatments as a meditation in itself, settling into a frame of mind which accepts and soothes any burst of anxiety. I am following after all a very new type of treatment for a sickness which was lethal only 5 years ago. No longer! Melanoma is no longer a death sentence as long as it’s found early.
I am so fortunate to live in this era and to have decided to switch hospital, country and treating doctors immediately after surgery. I read that this is not practiced in Holland. Many patients just follow the family doctors advice without getting a second opinion. My wife flew to Tokyo to visit the specialized Melanoma hospital which had access to the latest and most advanced treatment methods.
Such advice is hard to find when you are in shock with the news that you will die soon. Clinging to any advice which feels comfortable is what most patients do naturally. However, we studied and studied and asked questions until we had found a sufficient number of fall-back plans. I don’t know how to urge patients to do this as many stick their head in the sand and pretend it will all go away.
My book about my experiences is coming along quite nicely, I just wonder when is the time to get it published. Publishing itself has various possibilities, and I had no success in getting response from publishers. I will publish it myself I guess, as there are many online services these days. The decision that it’s time is not easy as I am still in the middle of recovery and my scans are not 100% clear.
I therefore hold on to it a bit longer, and add chapters during holidays and whenever I have time spare. Recovering my energy also has the fantastic sensation that I am too busy to write. What a difference with a year or so ago, when I sat in my chair thinking of activities to keep my mind distracted. Quite a tour de force to accept I will never return to the life I once lived and loved.
I listen to meditative messages which organize my thoughts. The risk of letting my thoughts run wild and play games with me is that I become depressive. It’s imperative to keep a sound and healthy mindset with a balanced and active body so that the chemistry in the brain stays in balance as well. The calmness which I feel is a result of all that effort.
Mind you, I had my ups and downs as I am super lazy and gloomy by nature. Pushing myself to find new passions other than work has been quite a challenge. Most people start doing this after retirement, so in a way this sickness is a blessing in disguise. I feel fortunate that I now have plenty of hobbies and ideas well before I will be blessed with pre-retirement next year as 60 is the age set by law in Japan.
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