Graduation day

Yesterday was a day to remember forever. I ran up the stairs to catch the train and felt a new level of energy. I told the nurse that I felt great, making her smile. Dr Namikawa was very pleased that my anemia was improving with the ion supplement. He continued saying that I could stop with infusions. It didn’t sink in immediately.

He asked me if I wanted to still have an infusion after the scan next month, and I slowly shook my head while thinking about that choice. This decision to stop treatment would only have been made after approval of all specialists and the head of department. That meant I was really confirmed to be clean. I wished him and the nurse a Merry Christmas and went off for my regular lunch and wait in the que for treatment.

The nurse who prepared the infusion smiled at me. Normally I would just quietly undergo the preparations but as I felt brimming with happiness I couldn't help say that this would be my last infusion. She smiled even more and said: ‘It’s called graduation day’. I repeated the word and liked the feeling it gave me. I fell asleep immediately once the anti-allergy medication started flowing through my veins for the last time, followed by Opdivo, also known as Nivolumab.

When it was all over I thanked the nurses, bowed deeply and waved at them while walking to the front desk where I thanked all as well. More then 2 years they had taken care of me... tears started welling up when I said all the sweet familiar faces goodbye. Slowly it started to dawn upon me what was actually happening to me.

Nothing happened in the bus, in the train, and while walking home. It was just as if nothing had changed. I sent messages to my family while they were still deep asleep. Friends in Australia and Singapore responded making me feel so happy. When I arrived home I hugged my wife and felt safe and at peace.

My friend in Holland who works night shifts responded and asked me if I ever thought of feeling cured. I answered him that I didn’t. It would be impossible anyway as the melanoma cells can’t be seen except for the damage they do. I told him that I have peace with the idea that I am clean on the scan, and that I patiently wait for things to happen.

I don’t need to go back to my old life. I am happy with who I am, what I can do, the regular CT scans for observation for the rest of my life.... I am happy the way I am and enjoy the small things in life. No sorrow, no fear, no desires. Just being with family and friends is what I wish. A simple life.