Stress

The week after my infusion is different than before. The Monday started with a distant headache which only disappeared after the noon nap, and a brisk walk in the cool autumn air. The days that followed were different. I felt pressure building every time I felt a tension rising either at work or simply in a movie.

The rising tension made me feel nervous in an uncontrollable way. A normal stress situation would just require a cool head, a mental decision to defuse the tension or a mental decision that it’s not my problem to fix. But this week I somehow wasn’t able to make that mental shift happen. I felt lost and worried all the time.

I had a similar experience in India where I had a type of pneumonia caused by Mycoplasma. The effect was that I wasn’t able to handle more than one thing at a time, and had to take a break from work as soon as I felt my temper rising or my mind go into abnormal overload. I took me 6 months to return back to normal.

I feel anxious and tired after a few hours of focussed work. I should remember that I have a tumor in a brain artery and that with increased stress it may cause pressure in the brain. This has happened several times and it’s not easy to predict how long it will take to recover. It may soon pass or last for another week, who knows. Working on my model yacht and working with my plants helps calm me down.