Background noise

It’s been a remarkable start of the year. My sister and niece visited, bringing coffe, candy and love. Their week-long presence was great yet exhausting. I pushed myself beyond what I could do before. The empty feeling after their departure was filled with smiles from my wife and daughter, enjoying the candy and lots of fond memories.

Somehow I had gotten over an invisible barrier which can be described as habitual rest. This habit had become a trusted ally in battling unexpected side effects, which I could thus handle at any time. Having my sis and niece around me most of the time changed a narrow recovery focus to enjoying doing stuff together. This sudden widening of my spectrum of activities, made me realize I could actually handle it. My body had recovered more than I had thought.

Now it’s 2-3 weeks later, and I am having a tough time with headaches, pain in joints and muscles. Under normal circumstances these are merely annoying as a kind of background noise. This week I missed 2.5 working days because of combined attacks of heavy head, surging heartbeat, gastritis, and stupid stress from work. The background noise has caused other side effects to stack up.

My capacity to think coolly was affected by all this. Every new event was stacked on top of everything else, which normally would not happen. In short: I need to find a way to reduce the background noise caused by pain. When I recall my comparison of cancer to other chronic illnesses, pain management is a very important part of treatment. Negating this can cause depression.

I will need to stay more active, but how to do that when energy levels and winter temperatures are natural demotivators? Will power is again the key success factor. It needs to be fed with simple motivation. A useful exercise for my mind the coming weeks at home and at work. Some initiatives I am working on could be a source of passion if I change my mindset. Let’s give it a go!