After 16 months of stable progress, I was somehow made to believe that I was recovering well. It’s not easy to receive a report that new metastasis have been found in the lung. I was completely taken by surprise and it took several hours to completely sink in.
My mind still can’t come to terms with the impact this news has on me, my life, my work, my happiness, and so on. There is something growing in my lung, and when it continues, I will have to breathe pure oxygen soon.
I want to ignore it, but I am tired. Tired from fighting, always being flexible, resilient and ready for bad news. I don’t want to be a burden to my family and friends anymore. It’s must be very hard to continue hearing such news from me. How can I make it easier on you all?
There is only hope in healing and trust in our Lord. If medication is not longer working, then there is no hope of recovery. The only way to deal with cancer is then to accept, and make the best of what is possible every day. It’s what I have decided to do, and not allow depressing thoughts get a grip and dim my happiness. Enjoy the small moments, everyday!
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