5 things to be reminded of not doing

I came across this quote, of things to quit doing:
- Trying to please everybody
- Fearing change
- Living in the past
- Putting yourself down
- Overthinking
As I run out of energy so easily at work, I ask myself what applies to me these days.

Trying to please everybody is creeping back in, as I have expectations of myself again. Leading and managing a team has been put on hold last year, and I miss the thrill of achieving goals against all odds. So I am keen to prove myself to others that I haven’t lost it, that I am still capable of moving mountains. This is not realistic as I am not able to handle adversity, conflict and stoneheads anymore. Pleasing myself is a trap I realize as my expectations are too high. I need to step back and let next generations handle things even if they don’t go perfect and don’t meet my high expectations. Let it go!

Fearing change is lurking around every corner. The change I have come to fear the most is not being able to enjoy doing stuff. I need to rest more and more, and spend lots of time NOT doing anything. It leads to overthinking and I will come back to that later. Another new fear is that of irreversibility: that I will not recover to who I was, both physical and mental. I have not come to terms yet with my body aging so rapidly due to the medications. I have learnt to face and handle fear by admitting it and analyzing it. Time will find a way to deal with it. It’s important to not worry about the future, and enjoy what I have and what I can do.

Living in the past is what I referred to earlier as irreversibility. Not being able to enjoy sailing anymore, nor travel, nor testing my limits makes me feel depressed. Having heavy headaches and stomach pain is not easy to deal with when memories pop up out of nowhere, longing for being one with nature and the world. I then need to force my mind to be present in the now, which takes tremendous and continuous reminding and redirecting during meditation. To stay in control of the mind and enjoy what I experience everyday requires conscious living.

Not being an able bodied seaman anymore can easily result in a downward spiral, which happens when I feel sick and my mind gets a free hand. I am not satisfied then with what I am able to do and put myself down. I am glad I am aware of this thought pattern and am able to pull myself together once side effects of treatment fade away. Literally pulling myself up as many times as I can every morning helps me recover my self esteem and my self confidence. It requires lots of mental effort after every bi-weekly treatment.

Overthinking the life I live is an easy pitfall, including the chances of recovery, the financial risks and so on. Meditating in order to get this sticky mind of mine under control has become a good habit. The rhythm of work has become a blessing with a downside though and that is: it requires focus and thinking deeply about all possible business scenarios. I read and analyze many reports, resulting in new habits of thought and honing thought processes. The pitfall is to let this busy mind of mine continue after I come home and relax. It requires discipline to tell myself to stop and enjoy time with the family.

Thank you that my son came over and that we can spend time together. I am so fortunate that my family provides me the motivation to stay focused on recovery and be happy with every little  progress I make. Saying ‘Thank you’ as often as possible and necessary is important.