A cloud covers my brain

I felt it coming last night. The weather in my body started changing. Its like a front is moving in and the advancing rains push wind ahead of them. The skies slowly change from gleaming blue into a veil of white en then a thickening grey.

Thats how I woke up, the greyness had accumulated and thickened so much that it had severed my brain from all senses. I walked around like a zombie, not knowing what had happened to me. I walked my daughter to school, smiling and chatting about flowers.

Walking back, the cold air started to penetrate my sinuses and I knew then that I had forgotten my mask. Opening the front door, my brain was frozen, my arms moved but not because I wanted them to. It was all automatic.

The music that matches this mood is brought to me by Leo Kottke and it made me smile and cry. Such emotions he put in them, the stories he tells about where the song came from were makes me rise and fall. Across the street.....

I will do chores today, clean the bath. My idea to visit the sea by train will have to wait until I am more sure I can come back. Its not that I am worried about it, but its just unpredictable if my mind will want to come back.

Man, its a bad day, such gloom I feel inside, such coldness in my bones and left eye. My soul feels sore, beaten for a year now. I can go on, I know, but not today. Let me just have some time alone and recover.

I don't know how tomorrow will feel like but it will be OK. That hope never leaves me, and that makes me smile again.