The scan brought news that there are still grey spots visible (affected by cancer) in the spine. It was not a PET scan, so it was not easy to see for me if those spots were still active. In a few days I will get the detailed report, which will provide a conclusive description. In the meantime I agreed to continue the Opdivo treatment as the blood tests show that the body reacts to the treatment and all measures have almost returned within normal limits.
Not much to be happy about, but also not so bad. I shared the news with my brothers and sisters on the way home. I felt numb, tired, unable to feel positive. I had hoped for clear improvement and without the details I couldn’t move on yet. I was left in limbo, unable to make sense of it.
I will have to find a way to get used to this type of result, and stop expecting a cure or conclusive answers. The good thing about the long train ride home is that the news (or lack thereof) had time to sink in. I took a hot bath and went for diner with my daughter, braving the cold wind after the typhoon.
We had so much fun while enjoying our favorite salad bar, being serious and silly. She asked me if ‘Wow’ is a word. I answered that it’s more like an expression like ‘hoepla hoekstra’. She laughed so loud and long she almost peed in her pants. Such silly fun with my lovely daughter is what makes life worth living.
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