How to live with pain, loss of sense, loss of eyesight....

Full radio and chemo treatment would leave my body in a state which I find unacceptable. 

The nerve damage during the clean-up was unpredictable and therefore a risk the Japanese doctors were not willing to take. It was unacceptable for them. 

The operation to clean up the cancer cells was the only option for me.

However, I was not aware of the extent of the risk. Loss of eyesight and hearing were not explained to me as possible side effects. That this could be temporary depending on the recovery of the nerves and muscle contraction was information which would have made me less anxious.

The point I am trying to make is that when this treatment starts, its important first to realise that our spirit is present with or without working senses. Our happiness should be felt before the operation by feeling connected with our loved ones and feel their love flowing through their worry and acts of kindness.
Seeing them, hearing them, enjoying their touch, all this is enjoying their presence. Preparing oneself for loosing the senses to observe and enjoy them, makes it easier to deal with recovery after the operation.
This is very hard indeed......

Our spirit to overcome whatever is thrown at us is rooted in a deep sense of happiness. Our positive mindset is made up of thoughts created by this deep sense of being.

We cannot expect our thoughts to pull us through the hardest moments, especially not at night.

We need to be aware that our spirit is part of a bigger consciousness flowing through us. 

Only then can we remain calm and undergo the challenges of this disease. 

This gives me the strength to continue and overcome. 

I believe that this presence in us is God, He is present in us. When we pray, we surrender ourselves and we find peace. Ask, and you will be given as He listens to his children.
I trust in Him and live (with cancer).